Here Without You

I just really like this song!

Sore, tired, and ecstatic!!!(and a few other things)

Had a great day yesterday. Went for a 10 miles ride in the AM, and just chilled for awhile. Then went and had a great lunch. Then I went for a 10 mile walk in the afternoon. I think there was a lot accomplished, and a lot of things became clearer to me. I've been up since 2:30 because my legs were hurting, but all in all, it was well worth it. My goals and aspirations have become centered and become more focused. I know now what needs to be done, and am formulating a plan of action.

A couple more things while I'm thinking about them. To L., you told me once ignoring the facts doesn't change the facts. I'd like you to think about that one, too. Second thing, there was a line on Stargate SG-1 one last night, that I've been thinking about, and I think you should, too. The line was "Sometimes you make the right decision, and sometimes you make the decision right". Think about that, and I think you'll see where I'm going.

What makes parents treat their adult children like small children long after they've become adults? It's a question I've been pondering lately, and really haven't come to any conclusions. Maybe there are no clear cut answers. Is it because they fear a loss of control? That they know more than their kids, and therefore have all the answers. Or think they do, anyway. Because treating the children like the adults they are is a reminder that the parents are getting older, which makes them face their own mortality. I've become increasingly intolerant when I see this happen. I know parents who do this to their adult children, and it just drives me nuts. One person in particular is very close to me, and as long as I've known them, it's been a case of "mother knows best". Which is, of course, quite opposite from the truth. This particular person's mother really doesn't like me, which at this point, doesn't bother me. I'm inclined to believe it's because I refuse to kiss her ass. So be it. My parents have treated me with respect and dignity and allowed me to make my own mistakes, and to learn from them. My mother and I were talking on this very subject last week. Parents cannot live their kid's lifes for them. Some times parents don't even like the adults their children become. But they are adults. I just wish that some people would respect that. It's really a simple case of MYOFB, if you ask me. Just some observations.

Patience

I have never been a patient person. My mother, my daughters, and L will attest to that. Or as Ruth puts it, "I want what I want when I want it"! Over the last few months, and the last month in particular, I'm gaining a new perspective on the word. The two words that come to mind are patience and understanding. I'm discovering that good things are worth waiting for. Maybe it's a lesson in humility. Don't know. I just know I need to continue to be patient.

8/21/06

Wow. I really never thought I'd be writing anything about tomorrow. To be honest, I never thought about it too much when I was younger. It seemed a long way away then, and even now, feels like it kind of snuck up on me. You see, tomorrow's my birthday. The date on my driver's license says 8/22/56. You do the math. Tomorrow is also my friend Jen's birthday. Happy birthday, Jen.

8/20/06

I took the day off today. Went to church this morning, then packed up the bike and gear and drove to the towpath for some riding. Rode about 5 miles to a little town on the trail and had a marvelous lunch there. Rode back and just chilled out at the trailhead until 5. I must say this has been the most relaxing and stress-free day I've had in quite some time. I'm sunburned, sore and happier than a pig in slop. Truly a wonderful day.

Football

My mother and my youngest brother and I are football fans. My dad and my middle brother are not. They just don't get into the game. My grandfather played semi-pro ball back in the '20s, when the NFL was in it's infancy. In fact he and most of his brothers were quite the athletes around here. I've told my mom that we have football in our blood. But then again, that doesn't explain my middle brother, Mark.

I bring all this up because another football season has started. Being from around here, we're all big Chicago Bears fans. L is a Packers fan, so Sundays in the fall are always full of good natured ribbing. I watched bits and pieces of the game last night, but was trying to get my stuff ready for today. My buddy Scott had tickets for the game, and was giving me a ribbing all day yesterday. I see this morning that they won, 24-3. So, for the moment, GO BEARS!!!

8/16/06

A couple things. Ruth was saying that whenever she tried to access this page, her browser would crash. She is using a Macintosh MacOSX operating system and Safari 1.3 as a browser. Not bashing Macs, just a little info. I finally surmised it was crashing because of the MP3 player trying to load. To temporarily aleve this problem, I've turned off the auto-start on the player, and she seems to be able to access the site. I'd rather not make this a permanent solution. Since I have zero experiance dealing with Macs or their OSs or their browsers, if any of you could lend a hand, I, and her, would greatly appreciate it.

My dad had some tests today. They were worried because the bacterial count in his urine was "slightly elevated". As it turns out, he has a kidney stone and has to schedule the procedure where they break up the stone with sound waves. He was relieved, because I think he thought it was something worse.

It's been a gorgeous last few days here. There was not a cloud in the sky, and it was just an awesome blue. Here is a snap I took with my phone. I remember a time when I wouldn't have looked twice at that. It seems the older I get, the more I appreciate those kinds of things.

Clocks and Dreams

Isn't it funny that no matter what you do, your biological clock always keeps you in line. Take this morning for instance. I don't have to be up at this time this morning. I'd shut the alarm off, I don't have to work, and I drank way too much last night. I could've stayed in bed until noon if I wanted. But right on cue, at 4 I was wide awake. And I mean wide awake. I tried to go back to sleep, but it just wasn't happening. I layed there for an hour before I just said the hell with it and got up and started my coffee.

I had a very vivid dream last night. L and I were at some large gathering of people, not really sure what that was about. Some I knew, some I didn't, you know how dreams are. Someone asked me to sing a song, which is funny, because I can't sing to save my life. Anyway, the song they wanted me to sing was "Amazing Grace". It's one of my favorite hymns. Well, I started singing, and sounded really good. After all, it IS a dream. To make a long dream short, by the time I finished the song, I was on my knees at her feet, head down and sobbing, begging for forgiveness. She was crying, like she always does with that song. Of course, about then is the time my biological clock woke me up. Funny thing is, I was crying when I woke up, too. I don't pretend to be a dream interpreter. So, you tell me. What was THAT all about?

Good stuff

6:30 PM
I think I've got it. I've discovered a new drink today. Start with 2 oz. of Everclear in a 16 oz. glass. On ice or without, I prefer without. Fill the glass up with that new energy drink from Coke, Vault. Viola. More punch than a Jager Bomb, and none of the nasty taste of Red Bull Or Jagermeister. Of course, there's a disclaimer. My original recipe was different. It's still grain alcohol, but it tastes better when the moon shines. Pretty damn tasty. Anyway, Lisa's up for the carnival. She just left for my mom's because I think I'll have a couple more of these, and then go uptown to the beer garden(a large gathering of drunks), and she's not a beer drinker. Maybe I can drink enough to make an idiot out of myself. Probably not. Those of you that know me, know I'm not a big drinker to start with. I just need to get someplace and socialize for awhile. Should have some interesting stories later.

9:50 PM
I probably shouldn't even be on here after I've drunk this much. If this doesn't make any sense, you'll have to excuse me. Ya know, I should know better than this. Why do people always say alcohol is a painkiller? It works just the opposite on me. It doesn't drown my hurt, it accents it greatly. And I fucking know better. I couldn't stay uptown any longer. I was just getting depressed. All these couples walking around only served to remind me WHAT A FUCKING IDIOT I'VE BEEN! OK, enough of the pity party. I'm going to bed, and hope like hell I don't have a headache in the morning!!

A good morning..

8/10/06-2

Sometimes, at work or at home
I'll think of you
and I have to stop,
shut my eyes and
regain my composure
fight back the tears,
try to push back
the lump in my throat
If I don't,
all these feelings
would overwhelm me.
I just want to drop to my knees
at your feet
and tell you I love you
But since I can't right then
I just close my eyes
and think of you

I'm kind of in a down way emotionally today. I think this shows a little of it. I know we can't be "up" all the time, and I don't have too many of these days. For whatever reason today, I'm just hurting, and I don't know why.

8/10/06

Yesterday was a pretty routine day at work. Nothing special and nothing new. I did a lot of thinking, as I sometimes do at work. I've been doing this so long that sometimes I can just do it by rote and not have to even think about it. That's nice, and a little scary, too.

I just want to address an issue I've been thinking about and that has been addressed by others close to me recently. It's been pointed out to me that maybe I shouldn't be putting sensitive information on here. So in light of that, let me state this. If you are a person who came here looking for an update to my personal life, it ain't gonna happen. I have enough trouble just keeping the people who need to know informed, without broadcasting that information to the entire world. You know who you are. I don't need any more drama in my life than the drama I've already got. I'm not going to apologize for this in any way, shape, or form. It just is going to be that way. I have too much work to do without adding to my own workload by wondering what I should and shouldn't put on here. And how what I put on here will be used against me in some perverse fashion.

A good day..

It was a good day today. I got up full of energy and ready to face the day. Ran to Ottawa to check on some new tattoos for myself and L. Talked to my mom a couple of times, and am planning on visiting tomorrow. Did have a little surprise about 5. It was one of those WTF moments, if you know what I mean, but nothing I couldn't deal with. L, and I and R talked at length tonight. so yes, it's been a good day.

A day off

I took the day off and am just chilling out. Had a really good morning. L and I talked at length about a lot of things. I brought up the fact that I felt really stupid for letting D come between us. And that I have to live with that everyday. That and various other subjects. All in all a good and productive morning.

I'm supposed to go visit my folks later today. Haven't been in a week or so, so I need to make the trip. That's about it for now, so later gators.

P.S. I also have two phrases that I'd like to put out there
"Patience is a virtue"
"Anything good is worth waiting for"

F.Y.I.

As many of you can see, this has evolved considerably over the last months. I've added music, a bunch of links, and just generally a lot of stuff. One of the more interesting things I've added, from my perspective, is the little counter you see at the bottom. What you may not know, is that not only does it count hits, it tells me where hits are coming from. I get hits from all over the world, some far, and some very close. While it doesn't give names, it does give IP addresses, and the operating system the person is using. I just found it interesting, and thought you might, too. If you'd like this on your blog as well, click on the Site Meter link on my sidebar, and take a look at it for yourself.

8/3/06

It somehow seems fitting that this is my 100th post:


I have built a shrine to you
in my heart.
Full of memories, and conversations
occasions, and quiet walks.
Full of good times and not so good times
Trials and tribulations,
happiness and joy,
tears and sorrow.
But the most important
thing in my shrine
is my love for you.
While the other things may fade,
it will be a constant,
filling your shrine with light,
and goodness
forever.

To whom it may concern...

I am officially most correct on August 2, 2006 (Ruth said so)

8/2/06

5:45 AM
A strange day yesterday. It was still hot, and things were pretty routine at work. About 1, the electric company called, and we shut almost everything off. Just the hottest jobs ran, and most everyone went home, we kept a skeleton crew. See we participate in a voluntary program where if there's excessive load, they call and we shut stuff down to free up power for the grid. It's been 7 years since we've done it, so usage must have been really high yesterday. Made for a stroke afternoon. We pretty much screwed the pooch, so to speak.

Lori, I and Ruth had a lengthy conversation last night about a variety of subjects. Lori and I are just so thankful to have Ruth as a friend. As I have been telling Ruth, there is no way I can ever thank her enough for what she's doing. She says the only thanks she needs is for me to "pass it on" when the time comes. If that is what she wants, then I will do my best to do just that. The woman has been a angel in our lives, and that's the least I can do.

It's supposed to be hot again today, but I need to do a few things anyway. My lawn desperately needs mowing, but I need to fix the lawnmower first. There's no rest for the wicked. I'm sure I'll think of some more later, so until then, aloha!

6:15 PM
Just got done eating, and am just sitting here vegging out. I fixed the lawn mower that I broke the other day. So I mowed the lawn, because I don't think I'll have time tomorrow. Lori and I are supposed to meet for lunch tomorrow and continue our discussions. It should be interesting. In the interests of privacy, I'll refrain from saying when and where.

My dad had to go for some tests today, and has to go again tomorrow. His kidneys stones may have redeveloped, but the doctor's pretty upbeat and says there should be no problems.

That's all I can think of for now. Lori's going out with the girls from work tonight, so I'm half-expecting a phone call later tonight. We'll see if I'm right.
Toodles.

8/1/06

5:00 AM
Oh, the dog days of summer. It's supposed to be another scorcher today, but by tomorrow and Thursday it's supposed to cool off some. Down to 75 by Thursday. Maybe I can cool off then, and get some work done outside. I think today's high is supposed to be around 100. That is HOT!!!