She said, he said.....

She stopped by this morning and we talked for about an hour and a half. I didn't bring up most of the questions and statement I had written down, because I felt they would be counter-productive and wouldn't help anything. Besides, Beth told me that some of them sounded like a personal attack. That would not have helped. We both got some things off our chests. I stated that I felt that by her not getting a divorce, that she never really gave us a chance from te beginning. She said she never really felt that was the right thing to do, and I understand that. She said, for her part, that the "Denise" episode had hurt her more than I possibly could imagine. I finally(!) told her the truth about that whole episode. That the whole reason I EVER started any communication with Denise was to try and get laid, pure and simple. To which she stated, why. I told her that at the time I didn't feel I was getting the sex I needed at home, so I thought I could get it somewhere else. Her low self-esteem then went into high , and she assumed there was then something wrong with her. I'm not sure she understood that it had NOTHING to do with her, that it had EVERYTHING to do with me. I tried to explain it was not her, but a character defect in me that allowed that to happen. I'm not sure she understood. It's something about myself that I'm not always real proud of. I think we can be friends, but she has her issues to work on, and I have mine. I made decisions that affected her, and she made some that affected me.
I'm am still tring to digest all this, but right now there's a certain sense of serenity I haven't had to awhile. Personal growth, I don't know. I am trying, and right now, I am at ease. Again, a front? Only time will tell. One day at a time.