More from the front!

Have been discussing the situation with friends, and the general opinion has been that for most of, if not all of our time together, she was using the hubby as a safety net in case her and I didn't work out. It was also put to me that for 12 years, she's had the best of both worlds, and eventually her conscience caught up with her, and it was just easier to dump me than get out of her marriage. As I said in an earlier posting (well crap) she wants to come up tomorrow or Thursday, says she has something to give me. I've asked if she could stay and talk a little bit, to which she agreed. This has my friends wondering if I'm now the safety net in case the current arrangement doesn't work out. That's a scary thought. I've prepared some questions and just general statements for her, but at this point I am unsure she will able to answer them truthfully, if at all. They are

1. You said the other day you couldn't answer the question of whether you ever loved me. Does that mean that for the last twelve years we were just fuck buddies, or I was just some kind of living sex toy.

2. How dare you say I'm not in love with you? How arrogant and presumptuous is that?

3. I can't begin to count how many times in the past 12 years you've told me I wasn't in love with you. Who were you trying to convince, me or you?

4. I know you were angry that I was sneaking behind you back talking to Denise. From my perspective, what you were doing communicating with Chad was exactly the same thing. Kind of hypocritical, don't you think. So spare me the self-righteous, sanctimonious bullshit. You're no better than I am.


6. You know in all these years, I don't think I've ever heard you explain why you never divorced. Since we're being honest here, I'd like to hear the REAL reason. That is if you’re not afraid to. Was it because you knew that sooner or later you were going back? I’m curious.

7. I am a firm believer in God speaking to us. I am also a firm believer in free will. God may or may not have spoken to you, I can't say. What I can say is you made the final choice, don't go blaming God. He doesn't make mistakes, and we were not a mistake! The right thing to do? Please!! The right thing to do would have been to stay with him in the first place. That way I wouldn’t have invested 12 years of my heart in you and we wouldn’t be having this conversation. The God I believe in wants us to be happy. Not miserable, and at this point in my life I’m not a very cheery or happy person!

8. Did you know I would have done anything to help “us”. Changed jobs, moved away. Whatever you wanted. I’ll bet not.

9. How is it that you can be way from someone for that long and still have feelings for them besides the bond of being parents of children?


I'm sure I'll think of more by the time she gets here. My friends are worried that she's communicating with me to keep me hooked in case that doesn't work, like I said. I'm not sure. But I don't think at this point, I'm strong enough to keep it from happening. I'll be posting more as things develop.